Signs of an abusive relationship

Recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship isn’t always like the movies. You begin to feel as if something is wrong, but you can’t put your finger on why. You tell yourself that you shouldn’t be worried – that you need to stop being too sensitive or cause less drama. 

However, trusting your instincts is an important part of judging whether your relationship is healthy or not. To be sure, read on to learn the main characteristics of an abusive relationship. 

What is Emotional Abuse? 

Emotional abuse is also known as psychological abuse or “chronic verbal aggression.” Emotional abuse can be hard to identify for the person being abused because it takes the form of a cycle. 

The cycle is usually as follows: 

One partner emotionally abuses the other as a form of dominance. 

The abuser feels guilt about the consequences of their actions, not the actions themselves. 

The abuser makes up excuses for their behavior to avoid responsibility. 

The abuser resumes their normal behavior as if nothing ever happened. 

Emotional abusers can be particularly manipulative. They can be charming and seemingly apologetic for their actions as a way to keep the relationship intact. 

Impact of Abuse

Emotional abuse is much harder to identify than physical abuse, but you’ll probably recognize it by the way your partner makes you feel. Your abuser will erode your confidence to the point that you can’t view yourself realistically. 

Agreeing with your abuser’s criticism and behavior becomes a normal part of your everyday life, even when your friends and family begin to suspect something is wrong. You may feel as if you’re the only one that really understands them, or that if you stay with them long enough they’ll begin to change.

You may feel tempted to think that it could be worse, but everyone needs to be treated with respect and kindness. You may notice you often feel: 

Frustrated

Confused

Misunderstood

Depressed

Anxious

Worthless

Fearful

Helpless

Trapped

Characteristics of an Abusive Relationship 

If you notice these signs are a frequent pattern, you’re probably in an abusive relationship and need to take steps to remove yourself from the relationship. Abusive relationships can be a spectrum of physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse. 

1. Physical Aggression 

Physical abuse is often not seen as abusive unless it’s extreme. But if your partner performs an intentional action that hurts you, it’s still physical pain, and it’s still abuse. This can be pushing, arm or hair pulling, “playful force” during sexual acts, and more. 

2. Unrealistic Expectations 

Your abuser will put their needs above yours and expect you to cater to them constantly. However, no matter what you do they seem dissatisfied and critical. They want to monopolize all of your time and demand details when you’re not with them. 

3. Invalidation

They need explanations for how you feel, and usually, refuse to accept or dismiss those feelings. Instead of responding to your requests, ideas, or opinions, they accuse you of being “crazy,” “overly emotional,” “dramatic,” or “too sensitive.”

They insist that you’re being selfish for expressing wants and needs. 

4. Chaos

You’re always walking on eggshells because you never know when your partner’s mood is going to change. They have an explosive temper. You feel as if they’re starting arguments just for the sake of it, like nitpicking your clothes, hair, behavior, work, and more. 

5. Emotional Blackmail 

Emotional abusers are talented at manipulating and controlling you to make you feel guilty – this deflects responsibility for their behavior. They gaslight you by denying events happened the way you described them.

They may use humiliation in public or private to gain the upper hand. They’ll also choose to “punish” you by withholding affection or pointing out exaggerated flaws.

6. Isolation 

Because they’re so jealous, abusers will try to control who you spend time with, when, or where. They can do this by stealing your keys, monitoring your communications, demanding constant information, controlling finances, or using GPS to track you. 

They’ll try to put you against friends and family by criticizing them. They’ll try to make you feel guilty about spending time with other people by accusing you of cheating. 

7. Superiority 

Abusers treat you as if you’re inferior by making jokes at your expense, blaming you for their mistakes, doubting everything you say, and speaking with a sarcastic or condescending tone. They’ll outright tell you that your opinions, ideas, or thoughts are stupid or illogical.

There you have it, if you're experiencing any of the above then you're being abused and I'd be giving you tips on how to handle an abusive relationship my next post.